XC Musings

Fall is my most favorite time of the year...always has been, always will be. Back-to school. Football. Pumpkin-spiced lattes. Crisp air. Sweaters. Colorful leaves. Apples. 

Everything about this picture makes me happy

Ok, so a portion of the above no longer really applies to me (e.g., school, crisp air), but I still get all giddy every year when fall approaches. It's also the reason I decided, without question, that I wanted to get married in the fall. (Less than 1 month to go!)

Nerdy engagement "running" shot

Fall is also XC season. I have a love/hate relationship with XC. I'll get the hate part over with first - XC is painful. There is no way around it. Running 3-4 miles at basically 6 min mile pace or under does not feel good on any part of my body; but my mind is really my worst enemy. During races I know that everyone else is suffering too, but I'm still usually able to convince myself that the girl next to me is definitely not about to drop dead from exhaustion, like I am.

Despite all of the hurt, I still look forward to XC season. XC is a team sport and it's the time of year when I feel the most camaraderie with my teammates. The races might hurt, but we all have fun together before, and especially after. In fact, my favorite part of XC is probably the 5-15 minutes after the race when everyone is standing around the finish chutes cheering on friends and teammates. And then once the race is officially over, we dive into the race treats - baked goods, bagels, apple cider, coffee...YUM! And there is lots of happy conversation because we're all high on running. 

This past weekend was the first XC race of the season for me - the Phil Widener Empire Open in Spring Lake Regional Park, located in Santa Rosa. 3.43 miles, on rocky trails. I was nerrrrrrrvous and my mind was filled with its usual doubts. "How am I supposed to know what pace to run today? What if I'm hurting really badly and can't keep up with people I should be running with, like Angela and Nancy? What if I just totally suck and bomb this race?"

Nervous energy at the start line

I thought back to an article I just read on Dartmouth all-star runner Abbey D'Agostino. Abbey prepares for the pain: "It's a competition with myself for staying positive. The ultimate fear is allowing any negative thoughts to subvert my confidence. When the hurt starts, there's no change in strategy. You press on." It was nice to think about this article, but it didn't really make me less nervous. 

Abbey D...running XC

I always tell myself how silly it is that I get so nervous. I'm doing this for myself only. No one else gives a rats a$$ if I don't run well in these races. But, on the otherhand, I expect a lot out of myself and I like to succeed. I don't like coming home from a race and having to tell people that I'm not happy with how I did. I want to race hard and fast and keep getting PRs. All of this is good stuff (better than simply not caring, right?), and nervous energy, when controlled properly, can be a performance enhancer.

Anyway, mental aspect aside, the race actually went pretty well for me. It was over in a flash. 21 minutes and 45 seconds to be exact. I finished in 9th place and was greeted with a t-shirt for top-10 finishers only. I scored for the team as the second open category runner through the finish (the top 5 finishers per team score points). This good XC finish line fortune does not usually happen to me, so I'm enjoying it. It was a feel-good start to the season.

Post-race Impala love

And the best part, as always, was hanging out with my teammates after the race - chatting about how the race went and eating Nancy-bars. Doesn't get much better than that! (Oh, and we won the team title for all age groups!!!!)

Feeling oh-so-un-inspired

When I finished my marathon in June having just missed sub-3 hours, I was sad/pissed at myself and beyond motivated for a re-do. The week immediately after that marathon, I was chomping at the bit to keep running despite needing rest. I emailed my coach and asked if I should find another marathon to run within the month. I was in good shape and didn't want to waste it. Plus I wanted to undo all the negativity in my head and just f-ing run sub-3. But, my coach emailed back and said it was not recommended and that I should give myself at least a few months to recover. Ugh.

So that is how I ended up registering for the California International Marathon ("CIM") on December 8, 2013. The race takes place in Sacramento and is renowned as a super speedy course. I signed up right away without giving myself an out. Because, good lord, if I can't run a sub-3 on this course, I'm really in trouble!!!!!

The problem is that I've lost a lot of that initial motivation. The pain of coming close, but missing my goal is more distant and my competitive desire to run sub-3 is waning. I mean, who really cares if I run sub-3? My parents certainly don't. My friends don't. Travis does for my sake. But do I still care?

I knew this would happen and it's the whole reason I signed up for the race right away. Had I been more passive and waited around, the race surely would have filled up and closed, and oops, I wouldn't be signed up. But I was proactive.

So, what now? I'm about 3.5 months out from this race, need to start getting my butt into gear, and it's kind of the last thing I want to think about right now. On top of that, I've fallen off my #sexycore routine. My desire to reach my marathon goal by focusing on the little things is fading fast.

Quite simply, in the spirit of "I-paid-130-dollars-to-run-this-race," I will get my butt into gear. And luckily, my other half just signed up as well, so we're in it together. That helps. I know I will get it done.

From a pure running motivation perspective, I've been focused on changing up my routine. On not running the dreaded, flat bike path route that I normally do. On finding new paths and trails. My running goal for last week was to not run the same route twice. And surprisingly (or not?) it was really freaking fun to find new trails, all by myself. I got a few CRs (always good for the ego) and some encouraging kudos from Travy (also good for my ego).

This week, I will attend practice (after missing the last 2 weeks). I will continue to explore the trails in our backyard and go for more CRs. I will create a new #sexycore routine to mix things up. And I will freaking just have fun!!!!! 

Trail running in Park City, UT